Week 6: Spoof News Article

 

Scottish Referendum PASSED

Glorious Change for Scotland

            The votes were counted well into the night as the people of Scotland waited for the results to be announced. Excited but nervous the entire population of Scotland were glued to their television sets as the news of the independence were to be announced. On the night of September eighteenth the results were announced and the "YES" campaign won in a landslide of eighty nine percent of voters voting yes. The Scottish Independent Party (SIP) announced that on the thirty first of October a new legislature will be set up and new laws will be announced for a better and independent Scotland.

            The future of this new country still seems to be a bit shady but the SIP assure the populace that Scotland's future seems very, very bright. The SIP announced on Friday of an estimated €1'500 billion of oil reserves in Scotland, as well as €32 billion in the rural and island economy, and on top of this the SIP states that Scotland holds about twenty five percent of Europe's wind and tidal energy. With all of this and many more economic opportunities for Scotland the future for this country does in fact seems very bright.

            With the announcement of this wonderful news the SIP also began to speak of some new legislature and laws that will become effective on the thirty first of October, which include the Scottish pride act and the Scottish independence act. They will be the first two major changes within Scotland. Although they are a bit strange these acts are said to boost the pride as well as solidify the fact that Scotland is no longer under British rule. 

            The Scottish pride act will set in place laws that will boost the pride of Scottish citizens by making some of Scotland's heritage mandatory within each household. First of all this act makes it mandatory that any man above the age of sixteen must own and be able to play the bagpipes. Secondly each man above the age of sixteen must own a kilt, and on every Sunday each man is to wear their kilt and meet in the town square of their community with their bagpipes at sunrise to wake the town with the joyous sounds of the national instrument. There is to be more released in the upcoming days but for now the SIP have only made this information public as more debate goes into the Scottish pride act.

            The Scottish independence act will make some changes to public events as well as set in place a concrete plan for what a brighter future for Scotland will look like. However much like the Scottish pride act, the Scottish independence act is still being solidified by the SIP. However they have released some details about the act that have been confirmed. First of all by a unanimous vote every Friday will be celebrated with a plate of haggis and a glass of scotch for supper. As well on the eighteenth of each month a golf tournament of the greatest golfers in all of Scotland will be held, and each tournament will be opened by the playing of bagpipes by 18 men in tribute of William Wallace and his key role in gaining Scottish independence.

          The SIP has yet to announce the entire plan they have for Scotland but from what they have released so far it is apparent that the Scottish people are in good hands for many years to come.

(Photo credit to the creators of The Simpsons)

(This article is purely satiric and should not be taken seriously)